Sunday, September 6, 2015

The Fairy Princess Rants About Makeup

I love makeup. Maybe it was all of the theatre classes I took in college but the idea of turning a human face into an art canvas just brings me joy. My favorite way to waste time is makeup tutorials on youtube. Sometimes, I will see a technique I really want to experiment with; most recently I’m enamored with “strobing,” which is contouring except with highlight only. I have very chiseled features as it is, so this seemed like a fun technique to add some extra pop from time to time that wouldn’t be quite as extreme as contouring.

I mentioned that I love makeup. I also love research. So next was to pop on to the greater internet to look for that perfect highlighter. Now, I’m over forty. A little while back I was having some separating issues with my foundation and did a search for “Best foundations for women over 40.” I suspected the dryness of my skin might be the problem, coupled with the lipid reduction that happens to the over 40 crowd. My faithful computer steered me to Almay Smart Shade Anti-Aging liquid foundation and I couldn’t be happier! Unfortunately instead of a new romance with a new highlighter, my ire was flared when my search came back with the article “Top Ten Makeup Tips for Mom’s in Their Forties,” by Lindsay Ferrier and I made the mistake to reading it. I disagree with everything Ms. Ferrier had to say.

Tip number 1 told me that I have to spend more time on my face.

Really?

You’re right, I add a SPV 50 Sunscreen by Exuvience over my regular moisturizer. Not because I’m over forty, but because I’m super fair and I work outside and it’s just the smart thing to do.

Listen, if you’re a mom it doesn’t matter if you’re over forty or not, every second of time is precious. Sometimes my makeup is a quick touch of foundation to problem areas only, blush swept over my cheeks AND my eyelids, mascara and lip gloss. Sometimes, I don’t even bother with makeup.

Skin care is important that is true, but you don’t have to spend a lot of time on it. A good eye makeup remover, and reliable cleanser, a non-striping toner, a good hydrating moisturizer and a lip balm (morning and night) are really all you need. Sure eye creams can be helpful to reduce the appearance of fine lines, but you know what? Wrinkles are a fact of life, most of them were created by living! So honestly, relax.

Tip number 2 told me to stay away from dark, bright, shimmery eye colors. 

I’m just too damn old so stick to boring matte beige. This tip probably made me the angriest of them all. I should have stopped reading here but I held out hope Ms. Ferrier would redeem herself of her complete idiocy. I cannot tell you the number of times and ways random people want to tell me what things I must give up because a). I’m over 40 b). I’m a mom or c). All of the above. Makeup is fun! Have fun with it! That’s the point! Yes, as a mother you do have to make some compromises with your time, delay your gratification (because you’re the grownup) and plan your time. However a compromise is NOT synonymous with sacrifice. There are only a few rare situations where you made a baby by yourself. Have the contributing sperm donor pull some weight if you find you sacrifice your time all of the time and are in need of some fun for yourself.

What I like to do for fun is go to Renaissance Faires. Luckily my son adores them as much as I do. However, we have slightly different tastes. I like the music the most, my son, however is captivated by other sights at the faires. The solution? I go twice. Once with him, once by myself. That way I can enjoy every music event to my heart’s content! And I get the added bonus of enjoying one of my favorite things with one of my very favorite people (with a little music here and there).

I bring up the Renaissance Faire for yet another reason. I dress up in costume. My makeup usually includes bright green, orange and yellow eye shadow worn simultaneously. And seriously, one can never wear too much glitter at a Renaissance Faire in my opinion. I get stopped every year by uncountable people at the Faire. I have been told that I look “regal,” “ethereal,” “beautiful,” and “gorgeous.” I have been featured on a professional photographer’s website. That was a treat, however not as joyous as all of the random children who have their pictures taken with the “Fairy Princess.” I have made lifelong friends at the faires thanks to my glittering bright eye shadow. That blush I use over my eyelids on light makeup days? It has shimmer. For the days I’m spared more time on makeup? I adore the smoky eye look. I love it in dark brown and purple. Those are always the days (emphasis of DAY) I get the most compliments on my makeup.

At the Renaissance Faire in Wisconsin it is really hot. No matter how careful you are to drink water you are going to get dehydrated particularly if you’re going the whole day like I do. Dehydration means more prominent wrinkles. If no one cares that the Fairy Princess has wrinkles why I earth would I care if my wrinkles sparkle when I’m not going for the total fairy look?

News Flash: I’m over forty and I’ve got wrinkles. They might as well sparkle.

Tip number 3 says the arch of my eyebrow should be 2/3 of the way across my eye.

My advice has always been to follow the natural line of your eyebrow. Everyone is different; beauty is unique. On time crunch days my brows are what they are. I attempt to keep them groomed. I pluck out any stray hairs on the bridge of my nose and those most obviously above and below the most prominent eyebrow area.

Tip number 4 has my lips should be plump and I should line them first before lipstick.

Even when I was 20 my lips were thin. By the way I have a scar on my mouth where I took a nasty tumble in the sixth grade. I love my scar the way I love my wrinkles; they all show how much I have lived. Plump lips are not for me. Also, unless I’m wearing my black lipstick (only because I haven’t found a colorstay lip gloss in black) I don’t line my lips. Revlon Colorstay lip color really does stay ALL day without re-application. Why on earth would a busy mom wear anything else? Using a lip liner with this product negates the long lasting effect.

Tip number 5 told me I needed to use cream blush. 

I was really confused by what Ms. Ferrier’s goal was with this article. Are you trying to help us busy moms? But are you even acknowledging how busy we are?

Here’s the thing: a great powder blush blends quickly over the face and it can also be easily applied with a quick swipe with your same blush brush to your eyelids for a quick pop of matching color. Although, cream blushes do have great staying power. Another quick tip for all day makeup is once again Revlon Colorstay Lip Color. Apply a few dabs to your cheeks as well as your lips. Not only will your “blush” perfectly coordinate with your lipstick, it will continue to look fresh 18 hours later.

Really.

Tip 6 told me to switch to tinted moisturizers.

I’m not a fan, personally. But I do agree that those of us over forty don’t need a heavy hand with foundation. I use foundation on problem area only using Almay’s Smart Shade that blends into my own skin tone.

Tip number 7 was on highlighter which was probably the reason it showed up in my search for great highlighters.

I honestly didn’t understand tip number 8 which told me to put on my neck and chest what I put on my face.  But I thought Tip 6 was about backing off on coverage?

Okay good!  I’m doing what a good over forty mother would do! I put the glitter I had on my face on my exposed chest area! Whoo hoo!

Tip number 9 was actually the first smart thing Ms. Ferrier said in this hideous ageist, sexist article. Hydration is very important. Not because you’re old and wrinkly but because it’s the healthy thing to do.

Ms. Ferrier had a redeeming moment with hydration and then plummets back into stupidity with Tip number 10 of “Stay Current.” 

Stay current?

But DON’T wear color. DON’T have unlined lips. DON’T under ANY circumstances sparkle or shimmer! Heaven forbid you might draw attention to your OLD, UGLY, WRINKLY self! For crying out loud go hide yourself in the nursery where you belong!

In addition to Ms. Ferrier’s nightmare article was a host of other sites telling me that I need to cut off my long hair because it’s "just not appropriate for a woman my age."

I was thinking of getting a haircut, but only because my hair is now getting so long it’s covering my tattoo on my lower back.

I actually cannot wait until my hair finally turns completely white or silver. I have seen numerous older women with great long locks of silver and it was the most beautiful hair I have ever seen. Why on earth would you cut off something that beautiful!

I’m just so disappointed and tremendously angry that people feel that they have the right to dictate to me how I wear my hair and makeup because I am a woman over forty. All I have to say is that I have violated every one of Ms. Ferrier’s tips with amazing results. There is photographic evidence that I draw attention to myself. However that is really beside the point. I’m not interested in stealing the 20 something’s boyfriend, I don’t want a husband particularly if he is someone else’s husband, and I don’t particular care what Ms. Ferrier thinks of my makeup choices. The only person I’m out to please with my unruly waist reaching locks and sparkle eye shadow is myself.

I AM the Fairy Princess and I have wrinkles! They might as well sparkle.

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