Dating after 40 can be somewhat of a harrowing experience. Instead of railing at the individuals themselves for their dating blights, I’m sharing my dating Whoa!(s) for humor and posterity.
1. I’m not interested means I’m not interested
I would have to say that the most horrifying Whoa! I have encountered in the world of online dating would be repeat contact after I have sent the generic “No thank you,” email response. Rather than give a person a laundry list of why I don’t think we are a “match” I simply utilize the generic “no thank you,” button. I feel it’s honest and kind. There are literally thousands of other candidates from which to choose; my quick communication allows them to move on to better options. When a person continues to email me after I have stated my lack of interest I find this not only unacceptable but downright dangerous behavior. Essentially, this person is communicating that my opinion has no barring and it is only what they want that truly matters. This is a person who is unwilling to accept “no,” as my answer. Let’s just say that I give in and I respond and we end up meeting. What if I decide to say “no” to a second date? What if I say “no” to sexual intercourse? I have no reason to believe that my wishes will be respected in these circumstances. No means no and anyone who thinks it means anything else is actually a monster.
2. The Reindeer Games
If I see the “No games” written anywhere on an online profile that immediately translates to “Game Over.” I play all kinds of games: sports games, card games, board games, online games, live action role play games…how boring life would be without games. I suppose what these folks are so afraid of is perhaps people lying to them. Dating is a risk, especially online dating where it’s all media easily hyped. People can lie; but you’ve got to have hope and faith, otherwise you might as well just give up and buy some aids for solo gratification. Everyone has issues. Everyone comes with baggage. In a relationship you not only have to be willing to negotiate not only the other person's issues and baggage, you have to be willing to negotiate yours. A person will a "no games" disclaimer communicates to me that they are not willing to acknowledge or address the issues that they bring to the table. This clearly communicates a lack of responsibility. A person terrified of the Jedi mind games I might play on them lacks maturity, confidence and will. Remember the Jedi can only fool the weak minded, “no games,” on your profile tells me that is exactly what you are.
3. I love you, Whoops!
It is the height of rudeness to tell me that you love me and then a few days later sit me down and tell me you want to take it back or that my concept of love is not your concept of love. Okay, let’s define love. Love is caring deeply for an individual. When you are in love you feel your heart leap when you see the person and you feel sad when you don’t see them. When something extraordinary happens to you, you want to share it with the person that you love. Oh and by the way, love is usually a finite emotion. It comes and goes, but not in two to three day intervals. It’s normal to panic upon saying “I love you.” It’s normal to berate yourself for wondering if it was too soon and feeling like a schmuck if I don’t return the phrase immediately. But are you really that out of control with your emotions that your mouth turns the phrase independently of your brain? If you tell me you love me and then a second later or a day or two later say that you were brainless, I see no reason why I shouldn’t agree with you. “I love you, Whoops!” is the motto of a brainless schmuck and a one-way ticket to the end of our journey together.
4. Dutch is not a date
I have invited dates to galas and theatre and when I do so, I shell out the cash. I happen to be female. If I cannot afford the tickets, I don’t invite in the first place. If I have been invited to dinner followed by a movie, I will happily pay for the full dinner or both movie tickets in reciprocation of my date paying for that which I don’t. If I have made the invite though, I am fully prepared to pay for both the movie and the dinner. It’s bad form to expect your guest to pay. Asking me to pay for my own share of my own meal is not a date. A date is supposed to be special and value isn't necessarily monetary. It isn’t about the money. I can pay for my own food. I do it willingly all the time, and I will continue to do so…without you.
