Divination - Deluxe Geomancy Reading for 2019

1. This first figure in a geomancy reading refers to the self, and the attitudes the person is bringing to the table. In my case, I have Tristitia as this figure. Tristitia means “sorrow” in Latin and often is looked upon with trepidation. However, for me, this is an interesting figure, because Tristitia is I think my favorite of all the geomancy figures. Sorrow is a natural emotion that should not be hidden or avoided. It is the emotion that I believe teaches the most important lessons about wisdom, compassion and healing; and these are exactly the qualities fortune telling should provide. Additionally, the pictograph of Tristitia is like a stake, suggesting something to be driven in and rooted – much like a tent stake! Taking all this into account, I see Tristitia as a sign that Fairy Fortunes will continue to grow, not without challenges, but instead of finding my mistakes discouraging, it seems I am open to learning a great deal in 2019.

2. The first pointed geomancy shape is called the Shield Chart, and these readings are not read linearly. So, the second figure I normally read in the Shield chart is in a position that is given the name The Right Witness. This figure also relates to the self. Here, I have Fortuna Minor, or as I like to call her, The Fairy Princess. This is generally considered to be a good figure. It represents good fortune, but it is considered “minor,” usually because there isn’t an element of maturity. Without, self-analysis and constructive criticism, long-term gains cannot be maintained. The Fairy Princess also usually requires some outside help – she needs teachers, advisors, and her Queenly mother to help her. This is an interesting figure to see here. I’m not very good about asking for assistance, I think the appearance of this figure is reminding me that it is not a sign of weakness to seek out people with more seasoned knowledge. I also have been thinking of doing more collaborative videos on the Fairy Fortune YouTube channel, so I’m taking this as a sign that collaboration is a direction to pursue.

3. This position is called the Left Witness and relates to the question at hand, in this case, “What can I expect for Fairy Fortunes in 2019?” This figure is Via, which translates to “road” in Latin. I’ve been thinking that I would like to do more traveling and do more festivals in 2019. I’m seeing this as an omen that wish is very likely. Coupled with the first figure of Tristita, representative of a tent stake, I’m seeing that 2019 is very auspicious for this desire.

4. This figure is very important in the Shield Chart. The name of this position is called the Judge. When paired with the other figures and patterns, it can suggest a final summation of the question. This position generally concludes whether an outcome will be favorable, or unfavorable. In this case I have Fortuna Major, or as I call her, The Fairy Queen. There are only a few limited circumstances where the Fairy Queen is view as unfavorable, as this figure implies success and good luck. I also find it interesting that the Fairy Princess embarks on a path to become the Fairy Queen. I could interpret this to mean that I can expect Fairy Fortunes to do very well in 2019, but I will have to be willing to take risks, and be willing to accept some failures and heartaches (Tristitia’s message). If I am prepared to learn from my mistakes, and preserve, ultimately, I will enjoy great success.

5. Not all of the figures are necessarily read in the Shield Chart. After figure 4, I look for any reoccurring patterns. However, in my case, there aren’t any. That can be a good sign, as reoccurring patterns can reflect bad habits or trouble spots that need to be addressed. The lack of reoccurring patterns in my case may be a warning to keep things simple. I tend to over think things a great deal. Perhaps this reading is a message to acknowledge the face value of my circumstances when it comes to Fairy Fortunes.

That said, there is a near similar pattern that I think is worth looking at. Figure 5 is the Fairy Queen, coupled with Via in Figure 6, with the Fairy Princess in Figure 7. These three figures form what is called a Triplicity and this far left position represents people. Given my ferociously independent nature, I think this pattern conveys that I have a strong ideal for Fairy Fortunes. I know what I am trying to accomplish and my mission and purpose are not only clear, but worth pursuing. However, my weakness is my tendency to overthink things, and one thing I can obsess over more than anything is criticism. I’m seeing this pattern here as a warning. While collaborating with others and seeking advice from seasoned travelers will be to my benefit, I will have to take care that I ask for specific advice, but steer clear of people who want me to change my mission for Fairy Fortunes. Changing the mission, and the core elements would not be a step in the right direction, but instead, a regression.

Now I will move on to the square shaped casting – this is called the House Chart. It begins with Tristitia again in the House of Self. Tristitia appears again in the House of Money, and also in the House of Pleasure. Especially in a yearly casting, I believe that reoccurring figures suggest that there is a connection between these life areas. Tristita is not necessarily a bad figure for money, as it has the connotation of grounded-ness. However, it does not suggest that Fairy Fortunes will be making a ton of money. Tristitia suggests stability, but probably nothing to write to Forbes about.

I do think it’s interesting that Tristitia appears in the House of Pleasure. Because, when I first came up with the concept of Fairy Fortunes, it was less about Fortune, and more a way to express myself. It incorporated my love of performance, my singing ability and my intuitive gifts, all in one.

There is an additional curiosity In the House of Communication. When a figure repeats directly in neighboring Houses, such as Tristitia does in the House of Self and House of Money, this is called a “walking figure.” Trisititia then is “walking” to the Head of the Dragon in the House of Communication. This suggests that a great deal of Fairy Fortunes longevity and stability may be dependent on Communication. In the business world this would likely correlate to advertising. I will need to get creative on promotion for events, the YouTube Channel and the business in general it seems. The Head of the Dragon suggests that opportunities abound! So, I need to be open to many possibilities and perhaps be willing to consider events or opportunities I feel are a bit of a stretch, or outside my comfort zone.

Puella rests in the House of Home. I’m not surprised to see her here because if my business goals for 2019 come to fruition, I’ll be doing a lot more travelling in 2019, and Puella’s flighty nature is not a bad sign in this house.

Albus is the figure in House of Service. This I feel is also auspicious is that I believe that the service I provide as a fortune teller is being receptive to others – which is the nature of Albus.

The Fairy Queen appears in the House of Partnerships and again in the House of Friendship. My plan is to do more collaborative videos on the Fairy Fortune YouTube channel. It would seem that if I hound my personal friends to appear on the channel, those videos will be particularly successful and may have the added bonus of deepening those friendships causing them to thrive!

I love the shock value of the House of Death. There is nothing I love more than announcing the title of this house in a loud and melodramatic voice. That said, death, in the context of a geomancy House Chart refers to change. The reality I must face is that for something new to be born, something old must die. I really never much cared for travel before Fairy Fortunes, maybe Via’s appearance here (she means “road” in case you’ve forgotten) means I’m moving away from my need for my homebody lifestyle.

Now to continue with the travel theme with the House devoted to that topic. Populus is a bit unfocused. She definitely goes against my desire to plan every element of my daily life. I like routine. In fact, I get upset if something out of my control causes me to adjust my plans. It would seem that some events are going to be last minute and I’m going to have to adopt an uncharacteristic ability to go with the flow…or be upset…I’ll probably be upset.

The Fairy Princess appears in both the House of Career and House of Trouble. Hmm….telling…it is for this reason that I like to do both Shield Chart and House Chart in the Deluxe Geomancy reading. This coupling I think repeats the message of the triplicity in the position of people. Collaboration and asking for advice on specific subjects will be necessary in 2019, but I need to be wary if people want to change the core elements of Fairy Fortunes. I know I want to incorporate a music element to my readings, I know I want to keep my prices low, I know that I have strong fae characters representing my oracle deck - these are core elements to Fairy Fortunes and I must remain determined to keep them.

The center square is a reminder that I can expect success for 2019 if I am willing to seek help and advice along my journey when an issue comes up. But it is crucial to remember that the mission of Fairy Fortunes is sound, and those core elements that are important to me do not need to be changed, even if a well-meaning person suggests that they do.

Visit www.fairyfortunes.com for more information on geomancy and Fairy Fortunes.

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Weekly Divination - 1 Fairy Card - Acquisitio the Alicanto

A show is Acquisitio 

A gluttonous Alicanto 

The more she procures 

The less she endures 

The weight of her fate in escrow. 

Are you thinking of making a major purchase? Perhaps buying a home? Acquisitio the Alicanto says get off the fence and go for it!

It can be difficult to take a risk and make a big investment, and not even the fairies can say if it will make you rich in the end. However, if you have done your research, it's time to trust your gut and put your plan into action. If you haven't done any research, well then it's time to use your favorite search engine to find some real estate agents.

The only thing that is guaranteed is that if you continue with your inaction is nothing. You will risk nothing, and lose nothing; but you will gain nothing.

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If you would like more information about these Fairy Cards, visit www.fairyfortune.com.

Weekly Divination - 1 Fairy Card - Rubeus the Redcap

When Rubeus Redcap appears,

He'll force you to face darkest fears.

There's danger ahead

But go forth in dread.

Or live your regret in arrears.

Many people make the mistake of asking me if I'm white witch. In my opinion, magic does not have a color; it simply is.  And it can be used to be helpful or harmful in equal measure.  Many people want to believe healing magic can only be "good" but it is nothing short of rape if this "healing" is done without permission.

This concept of magic being neither good nor bad is largely why I felt moved to create a divination system that incorporated the energy of the fae (to learn more about my system visit www.fairyfortunes.com).  The fae are spirits of pure magic and likewise, they are neither white nor black, good nor evil, seelie or unseelie.  Court structures are human facades that are not recognized in the realm of the fae. Magic, and the fae simply are. They are helpful when they feel inspired to be helpful and they are vengeful when they feel moved to be so.

Are the fae evil?

Are you?

I'm sure that we have all done things that we regret later when the wisdom of hindsight gives us time to reflect. Sometimes we regret what we have done. Yet humans especially often regret what we did not do. In my lifetime I am more apt to regret those times where I tempered my vengeance. Would that my make me evil in your judgement? 

The message of Rubeus Redcap is that each of us must act in accordance with what we feel is right in the moment. If you feel you have made an error later, then diligently make amends in that moment of discovery.  Action is what is important - action in the moment.  But be careful that you don't mistake action for a judgment.  No human I've met cares for judgments, the fae I'm sure would find a mortal's judgment simply laughable.  Rubeus the Redcap would probably warn you to dole your judgments out sparingly.

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Divination with Runes - Uruz

While Geomancy is my preferred method of divination, I still am quite drawn to the Scandinavian Runes.   They really resonate with me because I feel like they connect me to my heritage.

I'm starting a new position at my day job, so I was curious to see if the energy associated with my ancestors had any images of wisdom to impart to me.  I did a one rune draw and was presented with Uruz. 

I allowed myself to meditate on this symbol.  The first thing that came to mind was the weights I use on my canopy when I attend events for my other business outside of my day job.  In my meditation I was transported back to Fort Wayne, Indiana just a few weeks ago from this post when I used these weights for the first time.  It was raining and the winds were strong, but the weights on my canopy made everything so stable.  I remember feeling really secure with those weights on my tent.  I was so proud of myself for purchasing them.  Uruz is associated with strength, and to me stability is a quality associated with strength.

As I was meditating my son was chatting with me from his room.  I noted that I did not have to completely abandon what I was trying to do to address his question. 

In a similar vein of distraction, Crowley Cat touched my arm.  Without opening my eyes I knew it was her, and not one of my other cats.  I observed the gentleness of her touch and the calming affect it had on me.  It occurred to me that the rune symbol of Uruz is associated with the once powerful wild oxen - the aurochs.  In my meditation it occurred to me that wildness does not have to be violent, it can also be gentle.

I did drift off topic and my thoughts started running on a divination class that I want to write and teach.  But when I redirected my focus back to Uruz, I felt like the message it was trying to convey to me concerning this new position I'm going into at work, was tied to redirection and regaining focus.  I need to remember not to abandon what I'm working towards.  I need to remember not to give up just because things get chaotic.  I also think Uruz was suggesting that I will be able to bring some stability to this position at my work.  I may be a gentle and calming element.

I have been rather anxious about this change at work.  But this divination helped me see some possibilities and gives me some hope.  That is precisely why I love the practice of divination. 

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Deluxe Geomancy Reading

Divination is Art

I was very excited to learn the practice of Geomancy Divination from John Michael Greer.  At his class, I sheepishly presented by already battered copy of The Art and Practice of Geomancy for him to sign.  When I showed embarrassment over the dog-eared pages he told me he was thrilled to see it in its condition because clearly, I was using his book.  He signed it and I was thrilled.

Then I promptly lost the book.  I was devastated. 

If you bring up my image of the Geomancy chart I calculated to find that book, you can see that I was still struggling with the art and practice of Geomancy.  But let me tell you the results. 

The book came back to me.  A co-worker (actually the term we use in policing is "partner") found it in a squad car and brought it directly to my home.  The book came to me. 

So now that I have more experience, I would interpret this chart differently.  Look at the bottom square - this is called a House Chart.  The figure in the triangle marked number 1, is Fortuna Minor.  This figure represents success but unstable.  This position in this first triangle is representing me - a perfect figure because I lost the book, no one else was to blame for that.  So yep, unstable - I lost it, no one took it.  But this figure also suggests the book may return.  Now my original notes say that my answer should be in the second triangle or ninth triangle.  Ideally Fortuna Minor should repeat in that triangle to give me a definite YES! But it didn't.  This was not entirely hopeless, in Geomancy, there are a few ways a yes can be indicated.  Fortuna Minor did repeat in the fifth triangle.  But at first I was confused because that had nothing to do with my question, "Will I find my Geomancy Book?"

Fortuna Minor repeats again in the sixth triangle.  John Micheal Greer called this pattern a "walking figure" and the symbol in the triangle it "walks" to is also very important.  Conjunctio (the 'X' like symbol in the 7th triangle) is a figure known to be favorable for finding lost things.  In addition to that, another figure, the one in that 9th triangle as a matter of fact, also walked back to Conjunctio in that 7th triangle.  That seventh triangle actually represents the astrological House of Marriage.

And what pray tell, do we often call spouses?  How about "partner?"

Also interesting to note is that Fortune Major, which means assured success, appears in triangle 10.  This represents the astrological House of Career. 

The figure in that ninth house that went "walking" is called Albus, a figure of passivity. 

The chart was trying to tell me that I had lost the book at work (I didn't know that when I made this chart incidentally) but not to worry.  I did not have to do anything, the book would find it's way back to me through my partner. 

Which is exactly what happened.  I happily use that autographed copy of the Art and Practice of Geomancy to this day.  I was so delighted to have it back.  This chart taught me a great deal about divination interpretation.  Divination has rules, but interpretation is more than just following the rules.  You have to allow the symbols to tell you a story - you have to allow for creativity in your interpretation. 

So if you want to learn a divination.  Practice.  Track results.  Keep learning. 

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Weekly Divination - 1 Card Draw - Fairy Fortunes

Amissio Alfar is wise. 

Her beauty and voice mesmerize. 

Desire she gives, 

A true love that lives. 

You'll find yourself lost in her eyes. 

We cannot always choose who we love, but we can choose who we are with. This week, you may find yourself struggling with an important relationship, if that is the case, you may want to ask yourself some hard questions.

We cannot coerce someone to change their behavior. It is nearly impossible for us just to change ourselves! So one hard question to ask is "If this person does not ever change, am I alright with that?"

This is particularly true if your feelings for this person are more intense than what they feel for you. Another hard question to ponder is "Am I willing to accept what they are able to give me?"

What is important to know that if either answer is no, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. It is difficult to lose important relationships, but sometimes the best way to show appreciation for another is to let them go their own way alone.

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To learn more about Fairy Fortunes visit www.fairyfortunes.com

Weekly Divination - 1 Fairy Card Draw

A Vila like Via loves change.

Her home any road she can range.

A whirlwind this sprite

Her weakness is spite.

But vigor and vim her exchange.

As you face the open road. It can be a daunting vision; to look before you and stare into the unknown for as far as your eyes can see. However, as you begin to put one foot down in front of the other and propel yourself forward for another step, and then another, your vision may allow you to see the possibility within the unknown.

It is natural to be afraid that we don't know what we are doing or where we are going; but we do know where we are going - forward.

Forward is good! It is better than stagnating or drowning in the swamp. So be brave, and boldly go forward. Courage does not mean that you are without fear, courage means you move forward with your fear with you.

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Book Spotlight: The Art and Practice of Geomancy by John Michael Greer

I absolutely love practicing geomancy.  I would describe it as mathematical art.  

What Drew Me In

1. This text is very well organized.  Each step in casting a reading is explicitly laid out and explained.
2. Later chapter suggest advanced magical techniques - such as creating magical sigils with the geomancy figures.  
3. I had the opportunity to take a class from Mr. Greer himself, his book is a thorough as his in person demonstration.  

How I Think I Can Apply It Magically

1. When do I not apply this magically?  This is my favorite resource book I have ever owned.
2. I use this nearly every day in my daily divination studies.

If you'd like to see one of my Geomancy castings, I posted a Deluxe Geomancy Reading here on this blog.  

Please visit John Michael Greer's Website for more information. 

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Option B

Deluxe Geomancy Reading

Geomancy is a form of astrological divination that was popular in the Renaissance but lost popularity in later eras.  The Golden Dawn breathed some life back into the practice and it is enjoying a fringe resurgence in modern times largely thanks to author John Michael Greer.  I had the privileged of learning Geomancy from Mr. Greer himself.

This is a Deluxe Geomancy reading to be applied for Tuesday, July 10, 2018.  Key figures for Tuesday are Acquisitio, Puer, Conjunctio, and Via. These figures suggest that Monday will bring in some extra money to you. It would be worth your while to donate some of it to a favorite charity, but you should consider spending most of it on yourself. To do so will recharge you batteries and uplift your spirits. Conjunctio suggests that you head to your favorite restaurant! You don't need a partner for that though. Via the Vila suggests that this date be for you alone.

What kind of divination do you like to practice?

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Fairy Fortune 1 Card Draw

Weekly Divination - Fairy Fortune 1 Card Draw

I have always enjoyed divination.  My favorite Aunt, Maddy was a palm reader and introduced me to tarot cards as a young girl.  She feigned that she could not make heads or tails of the cards, but I was like, "Don't you see the story here?"

Much later I was introduced to Nordic runes and my Scandinavia DNA hummed with the songs of the runes.

A few years ago I had the pleasure of meeting John Michael Greer.  He was teaching a class on Geomancy Divination at the Occult Bookstore in Chicago, IL.  I was simply enthralled with the mathematical process of Geomancy.  I put away my tarot cards and my runes.  I only wanted to chart geomantic figures.

Then for the 11th year of the World of Faeries Festival, the theme was "A Journey Through Time."  So, my character Ruby Ruse, who is half pooka, looked into the future for the patrons and made prophecy to make her pooka padre proud.  I created Fairy Fortunes by infusing Fairy Folklore with Geomancy figures and principles.  I really meant for them to be a light-hearted affair, but the Fairy Fortunes (like any other form of divination) do a great job of providing a bit of creative wisdom.

Tuesday's Fairy Fortune: 

A Vila like Via loves change. 

Her home any road she can range. 

A whirlwind this sprite 

Her weakness is spite, 

But vigor and vim her exchange. 

The winds of change have arrived. Although it seems that not everyone is welcoming this. It is very difficult to give up things. Old habits especially die hard. Even when we know that our past behaviors are not good for us, we resist the changes that we know will bring us health and even happiness.

What is comfortable is not always what is beneficial. In fact comfort can in fact be our doom. Via the Vila is offering her hand to you this Tuesday. She is taking you on a journey, and yes, it is going to be pretty harrowing at times, and Via the Vila will not always be the most companionable of companions. However she is pulling you out of the muck of your comfort. You may not know yet where you are going, but it is better than where you were.

What form of divination do you favor?

The Pleasure Path

Two weeks before New Year’s Eve I was in the grocery store and I made sure to grab a package of black eyed peas while they were in stock. My son and I have an established tradition at our house. I make Mice and Beans, we drink champagne, we state one resolution and then we stay up until midnight to greet the brand new year. The champagne is sparkling grape juice. The Mice and Beans is actually Hoppin’ John a dish made with black eyed peas because my mother and Martha Stewart say that they bring you luck for the New Year. My son doesn’t remember why we call it Mice and Beans, but when he was little we read about Skippy John, a Siamese cat that had an adventure to Mexico in his magic closet. He met some Chihuahuas who asked him if he liked rice and beans. Skippy John responded “Si! I love Mice and Beans!” Because he’s a cat…not a Chihuahua. Anyway, I held those black eyed peas in my hand for several minutes remembering Skippy John Jones. I won’t ever forget that silly cat even though my son doesn’t remember that story anymore.

I was laughing outright as I tossed those peas into my cart. Then it hit me – by the Gods I was laughing! With reckless abandon in a grocery store filled with people who might be judging me! What the heck was going on? I was actually happy.

Sadly, that’s really not my default setting. I really like to simmer in my sadness and delve into my despondency. I live to mourn my life.

Singing along to the Christmas Carols in that grocery store I started to ponder if maybe there was a different route to consider. I went home and I began working on a project to reflect on 2016. I wanted to know precisely what made me unhappy. Although, I knew that if I really wanted to make a change – that is if I wanted to keep this mysterious mirthful mood – what might be even more important was to consider what made me happy.

Research in behavioral science has suggested that there seems to be an evolutionary factor for why it is easier to remember the worst things that happen, rather than the good things. It stands to reason that if something can kill you, you might want the memory of that permanently etched on the back of your eyelids. But if I’ve learned anything over the years, it’s how easily mired I can become with all that negativity. Really, most of the things I carry with me looming like a dark cloud over my head, while uncomfortable, are not really environmental threats to my survival. Yes, I wanted to learn and grow from the mistakes I made in 2016, but really the burning question I had was, “What makes me happy?” I couldn’t necessarily find that by reliving my failures.

Then, I was sifting through blogs on Tumblr and came across a post by TheCrownedCrow. It was a divination challenge to create a personal map for 2017 in order to help you realize your goals. Although I knew I’d probably be the only geomancer in the challenge, I was hooked. Particularly when I read the seeking question for day 2: The New Year also brings a moment of reflection. What is something I learned in the previous year that will help me grow in this one? That is the beauty of geomancy. There’s very little about it that’s cryptic. Geomancy says, “Look right here for your answer.” I already had the memory project well underway. All I had to do was roll my geomancy dice, and cast the house chart. A repeat of the first symbol would tell me exactly what memory would be the most helpful to focus on! Part of me thought that it would lead to a particularly painful lesson I endured in 2016, if I could master that it would be the key to lasting happiness in 2017! But my dice had a different tale to tell.

The first figure was Via or Way, I often interpret this as path or road. I was very pleased to see this figure. This was going to be an interesting reading. I cast the chart, and Via reappeared in none other than the House of Children. The Fifth Astrological House can represent actual growing children, but it also uses the concept of children as a metaphor. Children are strongly motivated by pleasure, so in a geomantic reading, the symbol in the fifth house also represents things that refer to pleasure. So, the key to my growth in 2017? It was to look at what makes me happy. I must look at everything that brought me a semblance of joy in 2016 and instead of collecting negativity to loom over me, I needed to draw my positive experiences with me into 2017.

I’m so obsessed with my work with Accidental Talismans and getting rid of things, I had never really taken the time to consider what things are important to keep. The key to my growth was waiting for me in those treasures of memory rolling around in the back of mind. I just needed to give them a place of prominence. I needed them to tell me their stories.

January 2016 

In January I was looking for something my son and I could do and I found a Dog Sledding event called Musher Mania. It was fun and spontaneous. We got out of the house and participated in an event that fed our connection. Then, I did some pretty scrapbook pages because I gave myself the time to do this small hobby that brings me joy.

The lesson that I took from this was the celebration of the spontaneous. There actually wasn’t a lick of snow, we mushed in the mud which probably made it that much more hilarious. The event planners worked with the weather they were given and it was still a blast. I learned that you don’t need perfection to have a perfect day. Just live in the moment.

Capturing the moment was also significant. The scrapbook pages I made were some of my favorites of the year. I love scrapbooking. I love it. It makes me happy. If I am to follow a new path, scrapbooking then is important. It is a mile marker on the road to happiness.

February 2016 

Every year in association with Valentine’s Day my son and I visit Medieval Times. It is a tradition that we both look forward to every year. I love the show and I love the tradition. I worry so much about being repetitive and boring but tradition is a touchstone so worth keeping.

March 2016 

I am a serious homebody, vacations are often not relaxing for me. In 2016 I took a huge risk, for the first time I traveled to another country with my child! We went to Grand Cayman. My son took me snorkeling and in Devil’s Grotto, we looked down over the edge of the reef and saw two huge sharks enjoying the waters. I have absolutely no photographic evidence of the event. My son and I were so stunned by these magnificent creatures that we just observed them in frozen awe.

I learned that I was capable of risk! I was also pretty proud that I paid for that risk in cold hard cash! No banks were broken in the making of this moment. Definitely my financial planning is a skill to be proud of!

April 2016 

I really loved doing the Council Oak Fundraiser as Ruby Ruse. I loved telling fortunes and found that I was very good at it. I often give people the option to consider that I might just be reading their body language and reactions more than I am looking into their future; because if what I say is helpful, then it doesn’t really matter where the information comes from.

But how I knew a former accountant was changing careers to be a librarian?…that’s a bit difficult to explain away with body language. You know what? Being a creepy fortune teller in pink sparkles really makes me deliriously happy.

May 2016 

In May I finally got the opportunity to work with visual art in a three dimensional way. Joan Forest Mage teamed me up to create an Art Adventure for the Life Force Arts Center with Errol McLendon. I created the second event, a Creative Drama program called Come Play With Me.

The participants really got into it and I was delighted to dust off my skills in improvisational performance. I learned that I am indeed a creative individual. More than anything else, it is my creativity that I feel defines me. And, when I am being creative, I am happy.

June 2016 

I really love fitness. That is a fact. I was intensely involved in my training and doing research on fitness for a summer presentation. I was perhaps in the best shape of my life in June of 2016 and that really made me happy. Scientific research suggests that a fit body releases endorphins in the brain that perpetuates happiness.

July 2016 

Very few people know when my birthday is. I don’t like to share the information partly because it is on the holiday weekend and my birthday gets swept away under the national fervor. But the deeper (and darker) reason is my belief that my birth was an accident and that my parents really didn’t want me. It’s a little difficult to celebrate your birthday if you wonder whether you really were meant to be born.

However, hopped up on all those fitness endorphins I was hell bound and determined to have a happy birthday. As I was polling my friends for trip suggestions, one clever soul offered up the City Museum in St. Louis and I was hooked from the mention of seven-story slide. The City Museum was completely awesome yet I loved pretty much everything about that trip!

The most important thing I learned was that I didn’t always have to worry about what everyone else may or may not be thinking. I spent my childhood and a great deal of my adult life trying to do what I thought my parents wanted me to do. I did this hoping to prove to them that I was worth their love, even though I was an accident. I carried that mentality into my most of my relationships. I chose activities based on what I thought somebody else might want. This isn’t the fortune telling that makes me happy, this is just crazy making!

This time, in July of 2016, I went somewhere I wanted to go without worrying about what someone else wanted. And it not only turned out okay – it was better than okay – it was awesome!

August 2016 

For reasons I may write about later (or perhaps never) I was in an exceptionally dark place in August. It was quite possibly the lowest I have ever been yet. My child brings me joy, but my happiness is not his responsibility. He knew I was depressed, but there was nothing he could have done and I sure wasn’t going to disclose to him just how bad I really felt.

It was my cat Bing who pulled me out of the dark. When I picked her up from the groomer she was so darn happy to see me! And she was just so cute with her hair all shaved off, rolling on her back and telling me to rub her belly. She loves getting her hair cut. She just would rather be naked – she’s a weird cat.

She made me laugh and then she licked away my tears with that sandpaper tongue. She quietly listened to all of my darkness and took in all of it without so much as flick of her tail.

“Silly Amy Alice,” she said to me. “I love you. See, you’re worthy of love. Now rub this naked belly!”

Bing, a half blind naked cat, taught me that there is unconditional love in this world, I just have to be willing to accept it in whatever package it may come in.

September 2016 

September was about just surviving; it was just about putting one foot in front of the other. As luck would have it, the Summer of 2016 was the summer Pokemon Go became all the rage. As the season was coming to a close I put one foot in front of the other while capturing Pokemons with my son. We would walk for hours and talk about all sorts of things. I don’t think that I will ever forget that. What a wonderful game. Sometimes happiness comes in tiny packages – in this case, anime animals on an IPhone.

October 2016 

I adore Halloween. It was hard for me to choose just one highlight; it was a toss-up between the Trick-or-Treat in Oak Park or Fright Fest at Six Flags – both were Halloween themed fun. I love making Halloween Costumes. I just love it! It’s not lost on me that this is another example of a hobby. It was also the aspect of using a skill. A part of the joy in those events was the oohs and ahhs my son and I received over our one-of-a-kind costumes. I also love to see the obvious surge of pride on my son’s face when he informs his fans, “This costume is handmade.” I love that my son gives me a picture and trusts that I will bring it to life. My sewing skill alone can bring me happiness, but to share that joy with my son makes me that much more deliriously joyful!

November 2016 

This makes me feel a little sheepish to admit…but the best thing in November was discovering how much I like the television show Supernatural. And not just the show, the character of Sam Winchester.

I finally felt like a normal human being because I had a legitimate crush! Albeit it was on a fictional character who I would consider far too young for me in real life, but I hadn’t had a sweet and innocent crush since William Shatner ruled 1970’s syndication as Captain Kirk, so I’ll just take it

This little crush made me research the actor Jared Padalecki; and I learned that he too suffered from depression. He had a crisis in the early seasons of the show, probably because he was enjoying so much success and a part of himself was screaming that there was no way that he could possibly deserve it. I was able to make that assumption because I feel that way so much of the time. I love too that he used his own creation of Sam Winchester to see himself through. He reminded himself that Sam always kept fighting, and that became his mantra. He founded a whole awareness campaign with that as the slogan.

Jared Padalecki is a hero to me because he risked stigma and rejection to help others who share the battle with depression. In him, I found someone to model. Isn’t that what the arts are supposed to do? Give you something to model so that you can find and become the very best version of yourself? Art shows us the possibilities. And when it comes to possibilities you want the outlandish, the bigger the better! If we imagine ourselves fighting the very Darkness Herself then perhaps it is then easier to find a flashlight when the circuit in the kitchen blows.

Watching Supernatural gave me the ability to see possibilities as I shrieked in gleeful terror watching the impossible adventures of the Winchester brothers. It made me laugh when I needed a break from my sadness. It gave me adventure when I wanted to get away from the monotony of my job. It made me realize that I had emotions…even the flirty one I wasn’t sure I had. It gave me hope.

It would seem that frivolity has its wisdom too.

December 2016 

While sweet Sam Winchester was leading me down a new path of hope, the day everything suddenly changed was when I responded to Errol McLendon’s request to share my thoughts about death and what happens after that event. I wrote to him about my son’s birth, and how it nearly killed me. I had such a strong, spiritual, and life changing experience. I found my Goddess and I found my purpose - I found that when I died.

I sent him a long message detailing my experience and then I went to his show. It was so very profound that the audience stayed for more than an hour afterwards to talk, and to be with one another. After that, it was as if the dark cloud that I had carrying over my head burst. I was free. I was happy again. I felt more myself than I had for longer than I could remember. Errol’s show stayed with me and I thought about it that whole week. Then, I decided to write about the experience again. This time I posted it on my blog (The post is called, The Day I Died). It was one of the most well received posts I had ever written; probably because it was the very best article I had ever written. It was the best, because it was so true.

I learn so much about myself when I write. In my blog post about my death, it was during the process of writing that I discovered something so important: when my body was dead and there was nothing left of me except my own instinct and my own feelings, what I wanted – what I needed more than anything – was to be a mother. I realized that it was really the first time I had expressed a deep desire that came not from someone else’s expectations of me, but truly from my own desire – my own instinct and feelings. Despite the mistakes I had made as a mother and despite the fact that I had been unable to control all the circumstances, ultimately being a mother had brought me the greatest joy I had ever known. It made me wonder what I could accomplish if I trusted my desire more often. I wondered what I could accomplish if I listened to my own instinct and my feelings instead of giving that power away to someone else.

I wondered this because I wrote. The dark cloud burst when I told my story.

There were things from 2015 that I stuffed into that dark cloud and I carried it all through 2016. My geomancy reading suggests that there is a new path for 2017 through the House of Children. It is the Path of Pleasure.  I must make time for hobbies. I must celebrate my traditions. I must take pride in the financial freedom I worked so hard to earn. I must acknowledge my talents. I must be creative at every opportunity. I must pump my iron. I must exercise my independence. I must love my pets (particularly by rubbing my naked cat’s belly). I must play, just play. I must utilize my skills. I must give myself every opportunity to experience possibility, the more impossible the better. And finally, I must tell my story. It really doesn’t matter if it isn’t important to someone else, it’s important to me. I matter – to my son, to my weird cat, to me.

Happy New Year!