It Is Easier to Get What You Want, Than to Know What You Want

It takes me days to compose and implement a magic spell. That time doesn’t include the additional journaling, meditation and dreaming that I do when I decide to go after something I really want. On one hand my meticulous ways ensure for the most part, that my spells work with few unexpected results. One the other hand, this practice makes it exceptionally difficult for me to do “magic on the fly.”

Once, I had to compose a magic spell on the spot during a rather intensive class I was taking on ceremonial magic. I made a hasty decision to cast a spell for debt reduction. I thought that would be a rather safe decision; who doesn’t want to get their finances under control? But not only did the spell not work with my usual rate of accuracy, it backfired horrifically, leaving me in the worst state of financial panic that I hadn’t seen since my divorce.

What the heck had gone wrong?! I thought it had been a good spell, with specific wordage for my intention. And yet the money in my bank account continued to dwindle and my panic continued to rise. So I began journaling and meditating and dreaming to figure out what had gone so horribly wrong. Then one day it was as if the curtain was drawn aside and I saw the Great and Powerful Oz for who he (or she, in this case) really was. I didn’t want debt reduction. I didn’t want it at all. No, even eight years after my divorce, I still wanted to punish myself because in my mind, I was a failed wife and a terrible (single) mother. I was divorced and unwanted. I wanted to be unwanted. I wanted to be a victim. Because then everyone could look at my sad eyes and crumpled form and nod their heads and say, “Oh yes, poor Amy Alice, she’s just been through so much.”

“Well, that’s kind of dumb,” I said.

So then I opened up my spell template (yes I have a spell template – its four pages long) and I started writing about what I was willing to do to get my finances on track. I made a simple decision – I prioritized each bill. If low priority bills only got five dollars sent, that’s what they got. If they didn’t get paid on time, they didn’t get paid on time. I made the decision to work with the resources I had. I wasn’t going to punish myself for not having the same resources as other people or more specifically other women (who were successfully married and not single mothers). I made a decision that I was not a victim.

I made a decision. I made a plan.

What happened next was nothing short of magical. Not only was the debt dwindling, my bills were getting paid on time! And even more shocking – I had money left over at the end of the month. What was so unexplained is that no variables changed: I had the same job with the same income and I had the exact same bills. It just so happens that my union’s contract was finally approved and I did in fact get a raise. That happened after I saw a $1000 dollar cushion in my savings account instead of a negative balance in my checking account. It happened after. It wasn’t the source of the magic, it was a part of it.

Just this year I took my son on holiday to the Cayman Islands and I paid for it in cash.

I still have some debt that I work on each month according to my financial priorities. In my new financial plan, I gave myself to 2018 to eradicate the current debt. I am absolutely sure that I will be able to do that. I am also absolutely sure that I will acquire new debt as I plan to take a loan for my son’s college education. I am absolutely sure I will be able to cross that bridge successfully when the time comes.

I learned something important from that tragically failed debt-reduction spell. I learned that it is so much easier to get what I want than to know what I want. I was so sure that I wanted debt reduction, but in reality I was wearing my debt as a badge of honor, and I wanted that badge – that debt - more than anything else. The moment I let go of that want, it paved the way for new opportunities I had never even allowed myself to imagine were possible.

Imagination is the very foundation of magic. 

I learned that I have got to be open to incredible possibilities, but if I’m clinging so dearly to my limitations, I will never be able to articulate what it is that I want. At least not with any rational perspective. Limitations can be seductive excuses.

Now, I do not mean to say that everyone wishes every calamity that befalls them on themselves. I had cancer. There were enough environmental and genetic explanations for that disaster. I do not believe I wished that on myself with magic. However, my perspective of that situation made a huge difference in my outcome. I could have given up utterly, and succumbed to this limitation in my life. My cancer was not life-threatening, but as it was in my throat, there stood a possibility that my singing voice would be destroyed. But I was open to the possibilities, whatever they might be. It just so happens, my singing voice is even better than it was, probably due to the removal of the huge tumor that was in the way.

One of my favorite aunts, my Aunt Sal, did however, have a life-threatening cancer and she did in fact die from that cancer. I miss her, but I’m not sad for her, because she was also open to possibilities. She turned a six-month life expectancy into five well lived years. She made a decision. She had a plan. Despite her limitations she was going to live her life fully. And she did. She used the resources she had, limitations and all. She knew precisely what she wanted: she would live her life to the fullest for as long as she could; and she didn’t allow her cancer to get in the way of that. Her desire did change after five years though. What she wanted then was to die with dignity surrounded by the people she loved; and she did.

That’s something else about magic, it’s flexible. 

If I really want to do some serious level magic, I have to be prepared that what I want today, may not be what I want tomorrow. Hence, once again it is so much easier to get what you want than to know what you want.

Recently at a conference, I shared this perspective of magic and an attendee approached me in frustration. She had lost her job and was in danger of losing her house - a house that she had struggled to obtain. I asked many questions to help her get to the root of the problem. She couldn’t get a job because she was too old. She couldn’t get a job because she didn’t have the right training or education. She could not under any circumstances let the house go because it had been won in a great legal battle with her family. She could not ask her family for assistance. She couldn’t take a border or a roommate because that was just too dangerous. Over and over again, with each question I asked her, she was determined to give me her limitations. “No magic worked,” she said.

I truly believe that is because like me, she wanted her limitations more than she wanted…a job? Or was it the ability to keep the house? I honestly don’t think she knew. She didn’t know because what she wanted were the limitations. Because of that she was absolutely closed down to any possibility. A plan cannot be made if there is no room for possibility. She was so focused on her limitations that there was nothing she was willing to do.

If she wanted a job and she evaluated her resources, and she determined new training was in order, she could find a training course she was willing to attend.

If she wanted a job and she evaluated her resources, and she determined that she was too old, she could be willing to change her hairstyle, clothes and makeup to make her appear younger.

If she wanted a job, McDonald’s, Walmart and Starbucks are almost always hiring if she was willing to do the work those jobs required.

If she wanted to keep the house she could have looked to her family as a resource, if she was willing to approach them with a plan to share the house that had been such a contention.

If she wanted to keep the house she could employ the resource of a background check service to help her select a safe boarder or roommate.

Or she could evaluate her resources and be willing to sell the house.

She was not willing to do anything except find more and more limitations to her predicament. She wants to be limited, that is what is most important to her. And if she doesn’t change that, no matter how powerful a witch or magician she might be, she will never get a job and she will lose her house.

Magic is not just waving around a pretty stick, magic is driven by will. 

As in: What am I willing to do to get what I really want? If I’m obsessed with my limitations, and my need to be a victim, then I most assuredly will get precisely what I want: I will be a victim. If the only thing I’m willing to do is find every possible excuse for why nothing is possible, then I will get exactly what I want: Nothing will ever be possible.

So then the real question then is: How the heck am I supposed to know what I want? 

Particularly if this magic stuff is so flexible and things change and I change?

I suppose that I have to be as flexible as the magic. My personal solution is journaling, meditation and dreaming with heavy emphasis on the journaling. I would also have to say that magical disasters are great for separating what I think I want from what I actually want. Actually, my debt reduction spell worked like a charm! I was told to declare bankruptcy. That certainly would have eradicated my debt. I came to know that I didn’t want debt reduction. No, I wanted financial freedom. I wanted a little money in the bank and my bills paid on time. More importantly though, I wanted the freedom to make financial decisions without anxiety, even if that decision meant acquiring a little more debt. It’s hard to say if I would have figured that out without the spell steering me towards bankruptcy. It is, without a doubt, much easier to get what I want, than to truly know what I want. Knowledge is often hard won; but nothing worth pursuing is rarely easy to come by.

2018 Update

I thought you'd like to know that as of June 2018 my spell came to fruition and I am now debt-free.

10 Questions About Paganism You Were Afraid to Ask

1.  So you’re Wiccan?

In my case the answer is no.  There are many forms of Paganism which includes Wicca, Druidry, Heathenism, and others.  I use the label “Contemporary Pagan” to denote that my spirituality is a blending of influence.  I was heavily imprinted by Native American Spirituality growing up in Flagstaff, Arizona where the San Francisco Peaks are sacred ground.  I have a calling towards ancient Goddesses of the Greek/Roman Pantheon (they are the Great Goddess Diana and Queen Persephone if you are curious).  My Scandinavian and family heritage is also an influence as well as my introduction (decades ago) to modern spell craft and Traditional Witchcraft.  Much like all Catholics are Christians, but not all Christians are Catholics, such as it is with Paganism and Wicca.  Asking a Protestant “So you’re Catholic?” is considered rude.  Wicca, I am sure is a lovely path, but it isn’t mine.  “I’m Pagan” is my answer, if I was Wiccan I would have answered as such. 

2.  Are you a Witch?

In my case the answer is yes, although I’m not fond of the term because it conjures up too much nonsense in my personal opinion.  However, not all Pagans are witches or practice a form of “witchcraft.”  The “craft” of a witch is more about being in a role of teacher or healer.  For a really lovely and fun depiction of witchcraft read the fictional Tiffany Aching Series by Terry Pratchett.

3.  Do you do “spells and stuff?”

The answer is yes, but not very often, because it’s a lot of work.  If you are a witch and you’re doing a spell, it’s akin to goal planning.  So, for example, if you want to create a weight-loss spell, you don’t wave your magic wand and suddenly have the body of a super-model.  No, in a spell you make a plan for what you are willing to do to get what you want.  And then if you really want to make it dramatic, you pray to your Gods and Goddesses or the universe or whatever and make a promise to DO it.  So you make a divine declaration to eat healthy and go to the gym.  Makes that a bit intimidating doesn’t it?  What happens if you don’t follow through to the Divine?  Well you don’t lose the weight, and now you have the added Divine guilt to pack on to the regular guilt you feel when you don’t follow through on your personal goals.  Fun.  Right?

4.  But you’re a "White Witch?" Right?

No.  And at the risk of offending those who use that label I’m going to tell you right now to be wary of those who do use it.  Listen, magic just is.  It doesn’t have moral motive.  Let me further explain:  "White Magic" popularized by television mostly, implies that it is “good.”  Healing would generally be thought of as a “good” thing to do right?  But doing “Healing Magic” is unethical (hence “bad” or “evil”) if you weren’t ASKED to do it by the person who needs it.  

Look at it from a completely un-magical scenario:  Let’s say you get regular headaches. 

Instead of going to a doctor you choose to mask your symptoms with some painkillers.  Pain gone, no problem...unless of course you have a brain tumor growing.   

Sickness is usually a symptom of a greater problem.  Even if you don’t have a brain tumor, your headaches are a symptom of a larger problem.  Is it stress at work?  I don’t know, only you know the answer.  What I do know is that it would be a really evil thing for me to send healing magic to you for your headaches.  Stress at work so bad it’s giving you regular headaches is still a brain tumor, just of the metaphorical variety.  It’s not my place to help you mask the symptoms particularly without your permission.  If you came to me for “healing magic” I wouldn’t want to give you magical painkillers, I’d be more interested in diagnosing the actual problem.  Ultimately, I might be able to provide you with some comfort, but I'm not a doctor.  Part of my treatment plan would be helping you to identify what type of licensed medical practitioner you would need to see. 

5.  Do you curse people? 

The answer is yes.  If they really deserve it.  But remember, I already explained spells are hard work for me, so it’s really got to be very important.  We’re talking justice on the cosmic scale here.  Cursing is usually unnecessary because our human justice system generally takes care of most things.  So let me ask you, is justice “evil?”  It’s a question that some people find hard to answer sometimes.  Cosmic justice is no different.  

6.  What about Animal Sacrifice?

This is the number one question I’m asked.  People don't seem afraid to ask this one they just come out and quite rudely ask me.  But if what you are asking is, do I personally sacrifice animals?  The answer is yes, every day, often multiple times.   

Before you completely freak out and report me to Animal Control, you too, probably perform animal sacrifice, every day and multiple times unless you are a vegan who has sworn off even the leather in your shoes and the silk in your underwear.   

Welcome to the wonderful world of eating and consuming.  Another being sacrificed its life so that you could eat its flesh or wear it (or in the case of silk the fruit of its labor-not yours) and live.  Be grateful.  Show respect.  Give it honor.  For me, eating is THE most spiritual thing I do every day.  The fact that this seems to be unique to Paganism has always been particularly confusing to me. 

7.  So…do you do naked public rituals?

This would be the second most common question I am asked.  Do I “do” them?  I have been to retreats classified as Pagan where some participants have been naked.  They are usually in a private environment, so they are “public” in that there are many people there, but all of these people have registered for the event and are there for the retreat.  It is not precisely “public” in that no one else but registered attendees are allowed into the retreat space.  But if you are asking about me, specifically, the answer is that I prefer clothes.   

Nudity or being “Skyclad” comes from the idea that the human body, just as it is, without ornamentation, is a part of the greater divine.  I can be a part of the divine with my clothes on, thank you.  And personally I am more comfortable in public rituals where everyone is fully clothed.  I have been accused of being a prude more often by non-Pagans, than Pagans.   

Yes.  I am a prude.  That is largely separate from my religion.  

8.  Do you use narcotics and/or illegal drugs in your rituals?

Absolutely not.  I’m a police officer.  I arrest people for that, I certainly don’t do that!  Talk about unethical behavior!   

Peyote is sometimes appropriated under the guise of spiritual practice, however it is only legal for certain Native American religions.  Those not of Native American decent with no direct ties to these traditions are very, very rarely invited to a ritual where peyote will be used.    

Sage, that green spice in your kitchen is commonly used in Pagan and other Religions’ ceremonies.  Believe it or not, this herb has relatives with some hallucinogenic properties.  Sage and some other legal herbs are sometimes ingested by people (not just Pagans) to promote prophetic dreams; but as I will explain shortly, I already have dreams of the future without use of these herbs and so they are not generally a part of my ritual practice.   

If we are to be completely honest, I have in my time smoked a certain green leafy substance.  When I was hired by my police department I disclosed that that not only did I inhale this substance, I enjoyed it.  They hired me anyway, with the implicit direction that I would not do it again -- I haven’t. 

9.  Can you tell me my fortune?

Yes, actually I can, but that ability really has nothing to do with my religion.  Feel free to research the topic of psychic ability and genetics, there are a host of articles about just that floating about on the Web.  My family has a lengthy history of being able to view the future, most specifically through palmistry.  None of them are or were Pagan and most are or were Christian.  I do not read palms.  I prefer Geomancy and Runes, I also have dreams that occasionally predict future events.  

Most Pagans are accepting of magic so it stands to reason that most are also accepting of the practice of “fortune telling” or divination (as it is more properly referred).  I actually believe that everyone is a little bit psychic.  I think it’s a part of the human condition.  Many Pagans practice a form of divination, but not all do.   

Please don’t ask me or anyone else for that matter to do it for you unless you are prepared for the answer.  I won’t predict your death unless you ask specifically about that (and perhaps not even then, you morbid thing you!) but I might just tell you the truth and that can be a fairly difficult thing to hear.  But am I seeing the truth of your future by some magical means?  Or am I just seeing you through your body language, reactions, and a host of other decidedly more boring things?  I don’t know.  I don’t really think it matters if what I say is useful.

Also, the proper thing to do is pay me for my service.  It doesn’t have to be monetary.  I told fortunes at a fundraiser for my son’s school because it was an opportunity to show I was an involved parent.  A co-worker bought me breakfast one morning in exchange for a fortune.  Your gardener doesn’t cut your grass for free so why would you think that I would want to tap into the cosmos just to show off my cute parlor trick?  I take my divination seriously, you should too.  Your cold hard cash proves to me that it is at least worth the amount printed on that green paper.  No offer, no value, no dice (literally, I cast my Geomancy with dice).

10.  What does that five point star mean?

The five pointed star is symbolic of the five elements Pagans believe to fuel all life.  Air, Fire, Water, Earth and Spirit.  You must have air to breath, water to drink, and food and shelter to live; that’s fairly straight forward.  Fire is your will to live.  Spirit is your reason to live.  Usually, there is one spire pointed upright, that one spire is the Spirit portion of the entire figure.  The idea is that you are the star, looking up and sending toward the divine.  

The inverted pentacle with two spires on top has been for the most part appropriated by the Satanist Religion as their symbol.  They are often identified as Pagan.  I would classify them as a non-Pagan tradition, but that is simply an opinion that needs another article to explain.   

But in a purely Pagan context, the two spires on top would be Earth and Fire, the idea is that you are the star asking the divine to come down, into you, to experience the divine in order to be inspired. 

 

And that concludes 10 Questions About Paganism You Were Afraid to Ask.  I’ve included some other great articles and resources for you to explore more.  I believe that part of my divine purpose is to educate people on Paganism.  We are very normal people just like you.  We raise families, have very good jobs and live our lives.  I am very happy to respond to any question so feel free to comment or email me!

Resources:

Web Pages

Freeman, Jamie.  “What You Need to Know About Skyclad.”  Witchful Thinking.  Wordpress.com. 30 January 2010.  Web.  9 July 2016 

Greer, John Micheal.  The Arch Druid Report.  Blogspot.com. Web.  9 July 2016.  

“Hallucinogenic Sage.” Science Review 2000 Ltd.  20 May 2010.  Web.  9 July 2016.  

“The Pentacle and the Pentagram.”  Whispering Worlds.  2008.  Web. 9 July 2016 

Scott, Eric O.  “10 Things I Wish Everyone Knew About Wicca.”  FaithStreet.com. 30 October 2015.  Web.  9 July 2016.  

Books

Pratchett, Terry.  TheTiffany Aching Series

(which you can find on Amazon.com)