But They're Just Pants! (Musing on Accidental Talismans)

It’s been over a year since I presented my concept of Accidental Talismans for Earth Traditions Spring Celebration.  While I’m passionate about the idea I have been pursuing a new project concerning the zodiac and so Accidental Talismans have taken a bit of a backseat in my conscious awareness.  That is until I discovered one of my own.  Recently I needed to attend a rather somber event and I wanted to be conservative.  Considering that my wardrobe consists mainly of uniforms for the job I hold which pays my bills and my rather eclectic and eccentric statement pieces for my flamboyant personal life, I had few conservative choices unless I wanted to arrive in my uniform.  So I selected a pair of wide legged pants I had purchased in 2002.  I knew they still fit, and they did.  However, I couldn’t help but notice during the event I attended that wide legged pants are so…ten years ago.  I made a note that it was time to let them go but instead of placing them in the clothing recycling bag (which I have mostly for my son who is of course growing like a weed) I promptly hung them back in my closet.  Then several months passed by and they were still there. “Uh-oh,” I thought, “those pants must be an Accidental Talisman.”  

I coined the term Accidental Talisman to give a name to any object that is no longer used, obstructs, distracts, produces negative thoughts and emotions, is avoided, hides something else or is something unresolved.  I call them “talismans” because while we may want to believe these objects are harmless what they actually do is take our energy.  We have to push past them or navigate around them.  We have to stop what we are doing to make these maneuvers.  We may try to avoid the feelings we have about them, but they are there in our minds no matter what we try to do to ignore their messages.  An intentional talisman is an object of will designed to focus the energy of the mind towards a positive outcome.  An accident is not intentional and it is usually not a positive outcome but the amount of energy an accident requires can be massive.  Think of a traffic accident.  That is never intentional and the energy drain on your body is massive even if you are unscathed physically.  

But is a pair of pants like a traffic accident?  After all, it’s just a pair of pants.  Aren’t they?  Well, let me think about the reality of my closet.  Why do I not have something other than a pair of pants from a decade ago in my closet for certain occasions?  I have my uniform pants, sure I need those.  I have two pairs which I wear five times a week…ahem…they’re looking a bit shabby actually I probably need a new pair.  So now I have to accept that really I need a new pair of special occasion pants and at least one new pair of uniform pants…probably two of those if I want to be completely honest.  So, it’s not just a pair of pants, it’s actually four pairs of pants: the one pair that is currently taking up a hanger in my closet and the three other pairs that I haven’t purchased since 2002.  

That is a spacial reality but it’s still not just a pair of pants if I consider what goes on past the closet.  Every day I go to work in shoddy pants which need to be replaced.  We may want to believe that work performance isn’t affected by appearance but the truth is, reality is based on perception.  No matter how hard I might work, the reality I’m creating with my frayed uniform is one that I just don’t care.  Because I don’t even care that I’m essentially wearing rags (which are often…ahem…dirty…I only have two after all).  

It’s not just a pair of pants then at all.  So what IS it?  What am I trying to hide or avoid?  There is always an answer.  Talismans channel our energy, if they are used with intention they can be a powerful tool for focus; but an Accidental Talisman channels our energy outside of our conscious awareness.  It’s something we don’t want to face but can’t quite let go.  

In 2002 I bought those wide legged pants during the height of their fashion popularity because I had been asked to be the Executive Director of a new children’s theater and I needed a classy yet conservative pair of pants for board meetings.  I loved that job.  I have a BFA in Musical Theatre, here was finally an opportunity to use that degree!  It was however unpaid; so I kept my stable uniform job which paid the bills.  Then when I got pregnant in 2004 it became too much to work all night bringing home the bacon, and work all day for free for the theater while my body was using every ounce of my energy to grow a brand new person.  I physically couldn’t do all of those things at once; so I made a very hard choice.  I stepped down as Executive Director…and shortly thereafter…the theater faded into oblivion.  Not even my dream continued on; and I can’t help but wonder, was it me?  What if I had stayed and soldiered on.  Would the theater still be?  The pants ask me that question every day.

I keep the pants because I don’t have my theater.  I haven’t replaced them with something modern because I don’t have my theater.  I haven't bought new uniform pants since 2002 because I don’t WANT uniform pants, I want pants to wear to theater board meetings.  That’s some pretty serious energy lurking inside a pair of pants.

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If you are interested in learning more about Accidental Talismans please contact me about hosting a workshop for your organization. 

Finding and letting go of Accidental Talismans can be an emotional process and journey.  I am also available for private in home consultation sessions and support. 

Dating Angst

The truth of the matter is that dating after the age of 40 truly sucks, especially if you’re a woman. Most dating experts will tell you that the number one complaint of women over 40 is that the lack of quality available men. These experts vehemently insist that this isn’t true and will give you overwhelming statistics to support their claim. These same experts are usually not over 40 themselves, often not a divorcee with children or even single and keep in mind that these “experts” utilize the title “Dating Expert” as an employment vehicle. Their livelihood depends upon you buying into their statistics.

As a 43 year old divorced woman with one child, I really would like to be in a relationship with a monogamous single man also in his forties who is gainfully employed, with his own health insurance, who has hobbies outside of his job and who actually gives a shit about the way he looks. What I can tell you is…there are very few men out there that meet that criteria. Just to be clear let’s highlight that criteria with a numeric list:

1. Single and monogamous 
2. Between the ages of 40 and 50 
3. Employed with health insurance 
4. Individual hobbies 
5. Gives a shit about the way he looks 

It’s incredible to me that I have to defend my position on wanting to date someone who is not currently engaged in another intimate relationship with someone else. I don’t want to have sex with a married man; why is that considered bad form in the modern age? Polyamory may be more mainstream, but I am not polyamorous and there is not a thing anybody can say is going to change my mind on that issue. I am monogamous. I require the same from a potential romantic partner.

There was a time that I opened my dating pool to roughly five years before or after my current age. However the reality is a decade makes a difference. In our twenties we are busy finding ourselves. In our thirties we are busy planning our careers, our families and shaping our lives. In our forties we are planning our children’s lives with college funds and thinking about our retirement. In our fifties retirement is a primary focus. I have discovered I have more in common with a 48 year old than a 38 year old generally speaking. I won’t quibble over a few years for the right person but I’m not interested in someone 10 years my junior. They haven’t been where I have been and it limits our shared experience. I lack the experience of my 10 year senior. We are not in the same place and once again lacking that shared experience.

I am amazed that I have been accused of being elitist to insist upon dating someone who is gainfully employed with their own health insurance. Listen, the reality is that I am a single mother. I carefully direct every penny I earn because I need it to cover my child’s educational needs and I must have childcare. Sometimes I sacrifice my own medical needs to pay for my child’s because money can be that tight at times. All things considered, I do remarkably well. I take my child on fun vacations and we manage better than some. However, I cannot be responsible for an adult who should be able to take care of their own finances, my child must and will come first. Honestly do I need to defend wanting to date someone who has a job? I am no longer quite that desperate.

I will never again date someone who has no outside interests. Being someone’s entire world is just downright creepy.

Before I articulate more on item 5 let me just say that the majority of men who have expressed interest in me have not been able to meet items 1 through 4. It is a sad reality and I am almost beyond hope. I have been instructed to look in the “Friend Zone” for more quality suitors but that is a tricky situation.

Attractiveness is very subjective. I often have a hard time describing what I feel is attractive. I do think that Brad Pitt is attractive. I also think Patrick Stewart is attractive. I do not expect to date their look-alikes however. It is a sad truth that most men over 40 seem to stop caring about the way they look. They must be able to see the ear and nose hair protruding from those orifices, yet they don’t bother to trim it. Their stubble that they are too lazy to shave looks and feels like trashy sandpaper. They wear stained polo shirts, dumpy jeans and baseball caps and then have the audacity to complain about the “mom jeans” women over forty wear because we really don’t want our underwear to show when we are bending down to pick up our child on the playground.

I gave birth to a 10 pound child, therefore I have stretch marks. I have flaws both inside and out and what I consider attractive has less to do with physical projection and more about inner confidence. What is attractive is giving a shit. It’s about knowing your flaws and working with them. Confidence is sexy. However, sometimes you just aren’t attracted to some people. You may love them as a person, but you can’t get your body to respond in a more romantic way. It happens. I have tried to date in the “Friend Zone,” and it ended poorly every time. The “Friend Zone” I think is just rude anyway. It implies that I’m not allowed to have male friends; which is more ridiculous to me than my current dating prospects.

What is most incredible to me is that my single status seems to make everyone around me uncomfortable. After hearing so often that I needed a boyfriend I started to panic and think that maybe I did. What I have learned from my dismal dating encounters is that if I have to have a boyfriend that isn’t monogamous, isn’t within a reasonable age range, has no interests to talk about and is an unattractive jobless schlep, well then I’d rather be alone.

Dating Whoa!s

Dating after 40 can be somewhat of a harrowing experience. Instead of railing at the individuals themselves for their dating blights, I’m sharing my dating Whoa!(s) for humor and posterity.

1. I’m not interested means I’m not interested

I would have to say that the most horrifying Whoa! I have encountered in the world of online dating would be repeat contact after I have sent the generic “No thank you,” email response. Rather than give a person a laundry list of why I don’t think we are a “match” I simply utilize the generic “no thank you,” button. I feel it’s honest and kind. There are literally thousands of other candidates from which to choose; my quick communication allows them to move on to better options. When a person continues to email me after I have stated my lack of interest I find this not only unacceptable but downright dangerous behavior. Essentially, this person is communicating that my opinion has no barring and it is only what they want that truly matters. This is a person who is unwilling to accept “no,” as my answer. Let’s just say that I give in and I respond and we end up meeting. What if I decide to say “no” to a second date? What if I say “no” to sexual intercourse? I have no reason to believe that my wishes will be respected in these circumstances. No means no and anyone who thinks it means anything else is actually a monster.

2. The Reindeer Games

If I see the “No games” written anywhere on an online profile that immediately translates to “Game Over.” I play all kinds of games: sports games, card games, board games, online games, live action role play games…how boring life would be without games. I suppose what these folks are so afraid of is perhaps people lying to them. Dating is a risk, especially online dating where it’s all media easily hyped. People can lie; but you’ve got to have hope and faith, otherwise you might as well just give up and buy some aids for solo gratification. Everyone has issues.  Everyone comes with baggage.  In a relationship you not only have to be willing to negotiate not only the other person's issues and baggage, you have to be willing to negotiate yours.  A person will a "no games" disclaimer communicates to me that they are not willing to acknowledge or address the issues that they bring to the table.  This clearly communicates a lack of responsibility.  A person terrified of the Jedi mind games I might play on them lacks maturity, confidence and will. Remember the Jedi can only fool the weak minded, “no games,” on your profile tells me that is exactly what you are.

 

3. I love you, Whoops! 

It is the height of rudeness to tell me that you love me and then a few days later sit me down and tell me you want to take it back or that my concept of love is not your concept of love. Okay, let’s define love. Love is caring deeply for an individual. When you are in love you feel your heart leap when you see the person and you feel sad when you don’t see them. When something extraordinary happens to you, you want to share it with the person that you love. Oh and by the way, love is usually a finite emotion. It comes and goes, but not in two to three day intervals. It’s normal to panic upon saying “I love you.” It’s normal to berate yourself for wondering if it was too soon and feeling like a schmuck if I don’t return the phrase immediately. But are you really that out of control with your emotions that your mouth turns the phrase independently of your brain? If you tell me you love me and then a second later or a day or two later say that you were brainless, I see no reason why I shouldn’t agree with you. “I love you, Whoops!” is the motto of a brainless schmuck and a one-way ticket to the end of our journey together.

 

4. Dutch is not a date 

I have invited dates to galas and theatre and when I do so, I shell out the cash. I happen to be female. If I cannot afford the tickets, I don’t invite in the first place. If I have been invited to dinner followed by a movie, I will happily pay for the full dinner or both movie tickets in reciprocation of my date paying for that which I don’t. If I have made the invite though, I am fully prepared to pay for both the movie and the dinner. It’s bad form to expect your guest to pay. Asking me to pay for my own share of my own meal is not a date. A date is supposed to be special and value isn't necessarily monetary.   It isn’t about the money.  I can pay for my own food. I do it willingly all the time, and I will continue to do so…without you.

Pagan Accountability

It has been suggested by Sam Webster in his Wild Hunt Article “Accountability in Pagan Leadership,” that the Pagan community faces special challenges because most Pagan groups do not have an economic based accountability. In this more common model of accountability, a leader is given detailed standards and is paid a wage. The wages are suspended or ended entirely if the leader does not meet the standards which were detailed. This model implies that there is a group which pays the leader his or her wage and sets those standards. If we apply this model to a mainstream monotheist religious groups, this implies that the congregation sets up the standards and pays its leader the wage and revokes that wage when the standards are not met. The article points out that Pagan leadership is challenging because the leaders are not paid by the congregation. Pagan leaders are often charismatic individuals who are committed to an idea. They fund themselves and collect followers to their idea. However, no wage is equated to no control. As a Pagan activist I am reminded that I have often asked the question, why don’t we pay our Pagan leaders? Surely if accountability is governed by finance then it would stand to reason accountability would rise with the paycheck.

It seems harsh and simplistic to have everything come down to money but why don’t we pay our Pagan Leaders? It has been my experience that when one of those charismatic individuals comes forward within the Pagan community with an idea that resonates, we of this Western society might be afraid to pay them for their services for the same reason Mr. Webster gives as the reason for the short lifespan of many Pagan groups: We are afraid. If we pay our leaders then their services are no longer a “gift,” their service becomes a commodity and we are the consumer. Or we are afraid that this leader might become too powerful, cult-like maybe, if we were to provide them with the security of our money. They might have resonating ideas, but everyone has ideas and you can’t buy bacon and cook it for dinner with just an idea as your currency. We fear that ideas don’t have financial value.

It is clear that Mr. Webster agrees that fear is the undercurrent for both the success and the failure of the finite Pagan groups. These unpaid charismatic leaders with those resonating ideas can more easily abuse their followers because the victim of abuse is afraid to speak out because the rest of the congregation will side with the leader. If the leader goes, so does the group. Fear keeps the group alive for only as long as the leader is alive. Fear then is its success, but also its ultimate demise because the congregation is afraid to continue with an idea that is no longer unique.

While I would agree that some Pagan Leaders have abused people who trusted them; I disagree that the problem of the abuse of power in the Pagan community and the phenomena of finite pagan groups are intrinsically linked. I also disagree that the abuse of power in religious systems is uniquely a Pagan problem. The reality is that some people will abuse power even in the most well established benevolent setting. It is up to every individual to keep power in check. Every adult needs to accept the responsibility not just for their role as a leader, but as a follower. A person has power over you only for as long as you choose to give it. That may be difficult to hear when one has been the victim of serious abuse, but a victim can flee, a victim can speak out, a victim can testify, a victim can get treatment. A victim can heal and in doing so, can become a leader. They become a leader even if all they do is flee because in leaving the group the abuser no longer has power over them.

So is the problem of the Pagan Community really the accountability of our leaders? It seems that the real issue that Mr. Webster wants to address is our lack of lasting stability. Whether our charismatic leaders abuse their followers or not the fact remains that their unique ideas more often than not die with them. That is clearly the responsibility of the followers. It seems to me that the Pagan community needs to acknowledge that we are afraid to lead.  True courage is defined not by lack of fear, but by acting in spite of it.    

April Owen Society: Odds Fobs and Gear Knobs: Accidental Talismans

While Dr. Xavier Day and I rarely see eye to eye, it is clear that we both couldn’t agree more how important it is for a magician to clean house. Most people of this modern age are familiar with the basic principle of the ancient concept of Feng Shui; in that the flow of energy in our environment is a reflection of the flow of energy within us. If our environment is so cluttered that physical movement is restricted, we should not be surprised if we are mentally restricted as well. The things in our environments are a reflection of our individual development. We all have things, but objects have an uncanny ability to store the essence of a particular memory, concept, emotion or place. Things then have a potential to become Accidental Talismans which was the focus of my presentation, Odds, Fobs and Gear Knobs: Accidental Talismans for the Owen Society April meeting.

There are many definitions of what a Talisman is, however I think a simple explanation is that a Talisman is a charged magical object. It is charged by magic. Magic (if you remove all the mystery and spiritualism) is simply will. Will is desire. Desire is an emotion. What then is an emotion? Well emotion, is a response to a memory, place, people and OBJECTS. It’s a pattern that comes full circle. A circle of which we would all be wise to be mindful.

A simple object can become an accidental talisman in several different ways. Things that are no longer used, such as clothes that no longer reflect your CURRENT size are accidental talismans. Obstructions, like a couch so littered with extraneous things that you no longer can sit on it becomes an accidental talisman. Distractions are accidental talismans, as are things that are avoided, things that hide something else and things that are unresolved. One of the most difficult accidental talisman to address I feel are things that invoke negative thoughts or emotions and these often take the form of gifts. This is that atrociously ugly lamp that your Aunt Mildred gave you. You feel for a multitude of reasons that you can’t get rid of the blasted thing, but it’s so hideous you begin to avoid the room IT lives in. Essentially, you allow this object to hold you hostage in your own home. Gifts from former lovers are also full of talismanic energy. Particularly if it is a portable item to be worn if you come into contact with your former lover and you are still wearing the item, you can only expect that connection between you to be instantly restored. Your lover will invariably think smugly to themselves “I gave her that!” If you restore the connection to your former lover, how can you possibly hope to establish a connection with someone else?

If objects are a reflection of our development, imagine for a moment a hall of mirrors in a fun house. It can be extremely disorientating, because within that hall of mirrors it’s very difficult to determine where you have been and where you need to go. Likewise if we are clinging to objects that have nothing positive to offer us in the present; then it is difficult to focus on the future and who we wish to become.

The best way to diminish the power of our Accidental Talismans is to give them a new home. Send Aunt Mildred’s lamp to a good charity and someone will find joy in it! Where it held you hostage, someone else will see potential and possibility. A question we all need to consider is do we really want our reflection to be of a hideous lamp? Or do we seek more creative possibilities? The bottom line is: possibility needs room to grow. Now go clean your house.

Approximately 13 people attended my lecture including Mr. M, Britney Gears, Televte Sunderland, Lainie Petersen, Alan P. Salmi, Catherine MacPherson, Oktyater Khaboror and Jean Julien Brumaire. Dr. Xavier Day, the professor’s esteemed college was also present as was of course, Professor Marius Mandragore. I am of course Amber McCoy (*), apprentice to the Professor.

(*) Amber McCoy is the Steampunk persona of Ame Kesa Morghan.

2014 March Owen Society: The Steampunk Magician's Toolkit

On this March Sunday Dr. Xavier Day had for all the participants of the Owen Society a complete Magician’s Toolkit. Complete with more than one device for divination which the good doctor explained was crucial for the inner peace of any would be magician, Steampunk or otherwise. When doing any kind of magical working, it is always a sound idea to check the ethics of the desire with divination. A reading that portends a warning does not necessarily mean you shouldn’t proceed with your intention, but it might give you an idea as to what the consequences may be. It’s up to the individual magician to determine if the consequences are worth the desire.

The consequences can be a bit of a messy affair that is the nature of all magic. Cleansing is also immensely important. Dr. Day delighted attendees not only in brewing samples of many cleansing oils for the toolkits, he included the recipes so that Owen Society members could replenish their supplies once they had been put to use. In addition to these oils were oils for charm and spell work with an explanation of their possible uses. However the creative magician of course can divine their own uses for such oils and with some herbal skill could brew up more possibilities of their own.

As an accomplished herbalist himself Dr. Day reminded the participants that plants are also living things. To carefully harvest a flower or a few leaves from an accommodating plant is one thing; but work with the root should be used with care and respect as this is taking the full life of the plant. Humans may have many gifts, but we share this world with many living things that have their own gifts. We should take care not to give the human status one too lofty for reality.

The reality is of course that human beings also have their limits and so too does the magic a human might create. You can’t expect a spell to work in an orderly fashion if you’re living in complete chaos! Dr. Day repeatedly drove home the point, “CLEAN YOUR HOUSE!” He concluded with the idioms be enticed, be specific, be CLEAN, be informed. Words most certainly to live by.

Approximately 20 people were in attendance at Dr. Xavier Day’s (*) lecture including one new member, Mr. Jason Winslade. Additional attendees included Jean Julien Brumaire, Thomas Forsyth, Oktyater Khaboror, Mr. M, Janet Berres, Nikki Deasy, Marie Gross, Mark Lancaster, Janet MacDonald, Alan P. Salmi, Cardinal Hymie Aloysius Pederasium, Helene Plushbottom and of course Professor Marius Mandragore and his esteemed colleges and friends Taliesin McCoy, Ymor Odwyn y dwr, Eitel August Graf Von Pappenheim and the Professor’s apprentices Delores Dion and myself, Amber McCoy (+).

(*) Dr. Xavier Day is the Steampunk persona of Matthew Ellenwood

(+) Amber McCoy is the Steampunk persona of Ame Kesa Morghan

2014 February Owen Society Meeting: Dot Ask, Dot Tell

Always the card, Cardinal Hymie Aloysius Pederasium (or Cardinal Ped, as I refer to him) introduced himself as the “Lounge warm-up act for John Michael Greer,” who will be giving an extensive workshop on European Geomancy in March at the Occult bookstore. However Cardinal Ped gave a wonderful introductory and amusing presentation on the subject at the Owen Society’s February meeting.

Most people might think of the Eastern practices of Feng Shui or of dowsing when they hear the term “geomancy.” However the subject of Cardinal Ped’s presentation is a form of European divination with roots in Arabic sand divination. It is a mathematical and binary system that utilizes four lines of either one or two dots to form sixteen different symbol combinations. To use this divination in its most simple form, you would think of a question you want answered by divinatory assistance, then you would poke a random number of dots into the sand, then determine if the number of those dots is even or odd. If it is even, the first line of the figure gets two dots. If it is odd, then only one dot. You would then repeat this poking three more times so that you would have four lines of dots for a complete figure. You could also use a coin using the “tail” side to represent “even” or two dots and the “head” side to represent “odd” or one dot. You would then interpret the symbol from the classic meanings of the sixteen forms.

The sixteen figures vary in meaning much like any other divinatory system. Some of the figures are favorable, some are a little more ambiguous and some are rather ominous in their suggestion. When presented with ominous divinatory warnings Cardinal Ped recommended a “Pink Freud” approach; and suggests ruminating on the question is this suggestion fate or psychology? In medieval times when many divinatory systems were tooled and studied the state of affairs was very much black and white. In a time where class structures were fixed and no one could (or tried) to “change their stars;” no positive was seen in the darkness. In this modern world, and especially in the Steampunk world, we are constantly tinkering not only with objects and concepts, but even time itself. We can and do “change our stars” and steer the dirigible of our fate in multiple directions. We embrace our darkness, and realize it is a necessary counter balance to the light of day. Cardinal Ped believes the feared darkness of medieval times can be an important learning tool for the students of the modern age.

European Geomancy resonates in the modern age. Cardinal Ped pointed out that it is a mathematical structure that seems to be implicit in the human brain. We see a reflection of this elegant binary system in not only Eastern I Ching, but in computer code. That revolutionary modern development may have been based on the code of life itself, the double, binary helix of our genetics. It is this deep electrical earth current that one is tapping into with European Geomancy.

Cardinal Ped is one of my personal favorite presenters because he is incredibly thorough. If you would like to learn more about his personal research on Geomancy he has a public file on Dropbox.

Esteemed author John Michael Greer will be presenting a three day workshop on European Geomancy in March. Please visit the Occult Book Store for more information.

Approximately 23 people were in attendance at Cardinal Ped’s (*) lecture; including at least people new to an Owen Society meeting: Michael Keane, Matthew Rosenfeld and Lainie Petersen. Additional attendees included Thomas Forsyth, Britney Gears, Aria Healy, Oktyater Khaboror, Catherine MacPherson, Mr. M, Marie Gross, Janet MacDonald, Alan P. Salmi, Helene Plushbottom, Rory "Aquabear" Sunderland, Televte Sunderland, Joseph C.R. Vourteque and of course Professor Marius Mandragore, his esteemed colleges and friends Dr. Xavier Day, Eitel August Graf Von Pappenheim, Ymor Odwyn y dwr and Taliesin O’Brien, and his apprentices Delores Dion and myself, Amber McCoy (+).

*Cardinal Hymie Aloysius Pederasium (Cardinal Ped) is the Steampunk persona of David Steven Rappoport.

+Amber McCoy is the Steampunk persona of Ame Kesa Morghan.